Provision

I am writing this because I want to remember, to declare and to celebrate.  To tell others and to remind myself of God's faithfulness, kindness and provision.

Earlier this year I found out I needed to move.  Due to a family situation I could no longer stay where I was.  It wasn't something I wanted to happen and I was angry.  It took a long time to come to terms with the reality that my willpower was not strong enough to make it go away, I couldn't pray it away, or will it away, I had to accept it.

I sometimes think if I pray hard enough God will do what I want him to, that he will make the pain go away.  God however does not seem to be in the business of waving a magic wand to make troubles disappear.  He will walk with us and give us peace whatever situation we face, but we have to walk through it.  He will walk with us and we can know his presence, peace, wisdom, power and comfort.  All of who he is beside us, within us even.

This was going to be a testimony about God providing me with a house, a fridge, a freezer and all I need.  But the reality is so much bigger than all of that.  God has given himself and not just his gifts.  He has provided for all my needs, emotionally, relationally, physically, spiritually and in every way.  He sees our deepest need and meets it in his way.

God wants a relationship with us, not where we only ask him for what we think we need but where we seek his heart and make his desires our desires.  Not where we are seeking to do good things or be good people.  But where we seek his heart, and his desire for us, for our family, our hometown and our nation.  What is on his heart....    

Thinking new thoughts

Taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.  Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.  We need to think in a way that honours him.  

My thoughts are not always God honouring, I am; as most of us are; selfish, proud and jealous. To name a few of the sins I struggle with daily.  But by his power we overcome.

Today I want to focus on one thought I am overcoming and one thing I have chosen to think differently about.

When friends of mine get together; have children; get married; receive flowers... my heart hurts a little.  My friends seem to receive all my heart deepest desires so effortlessly.

My thoughts can be, 'why not me?' 'am i forgotten?' 'undeserving?' 'is my body going to age too much for me to have children?' 'all the good men are taken,' 'it is hopeless,' 'how am i ever going to meet anyone now?'

The thoughts I am now choosing are these; that if God can provide an amazing Godly man for my friend, then he can do that for me, if it is his will to do so.  God created my body and if he has promised me children and all things are possible for him no matter how old I get.

God is the same, yesterday, today and forever, he has done many miracles before and will continue to.  He can provide for me in every way.

I am attempting to read and know God's word, in such a way that I know the truth and it can set me free and transform my life.  I am choosing faith that says if God can do that for them he can do that for me, as opposed to the jealousy that God in me finds so ugly.  

This simple choice is bringing me joy and changing my life in the everyday.

A Beginning

I am starting this blog with a desire to write and to engage with God.   I hope that the former will help me achieve the latter.  This is the beginning of a new adventure.

At present; if i am honest; I communicate with God and occasionally and spend time with him from time to time.  He hasn't been my favourite person recently so it's been difficult.

This is the beginning of this blog.